Rene Vietto

DIXVILLE NOTCH, N.H. -- For all of our American bravado, we will NEVER, not as an entire nation, ever have the class that the French had in one single sportsman. So get off their asses.

In the 1934 Tour de France, Antonin Magne, the 1931 Tour winner was trying for his second ride down the Champs D' Elysées in a yellow jersey. One of his domestiques was a 20 year old cyclist named Rene Vietto.

For you slack-jawed idiots who don't understand cycling - it is a team sport. Lance Armstrong may be a six time Tour De France victor, but he could never have done it without his team - a fact he reminds the press of every time he wins, but the American media just don't seem to understand a sport that isn't dominated by trash-talking, woman-beating, materialistic fucks. So...Lance, here's a salute. It is a shame you had to be an American, and an even bigger shame that Texas gets to claim you. You've got the class of a Vermonter. But I digress.

The seven other guys on the team are called Domestiques. "Servants." They are there to help the team captain win. They could win themselves, but that doesn't happen often - if ever. Do your own frigging research if you want to know if it ever happened.

Rene Vietto was one of Magne's domestiques in 1934. Magne was wearing the Yellow jersey (meaning in first place) in stage 15 when he crashed, trashing his wheel and making his bike unrideable. Vietto, riding in his first Tour gave his wheel to Magne and waited for the team car to bring him a replacement.

The next day, Vietto exploded ahead of the peloton. A motorcyclist rode up beside him and congratulated him on the fact that he was now the favorite to win the Tour. Magne had crashed again, his bike was destroyed, and he was so far behind Vietto that Vietto would become the new Tour leader.

In the greatest expression of loyalty and class ever engaged in during any team sporting competition, Vietto did the something remarkable. Vietto turned around and rode back to find Magne, and gave him his bike. Had Vietto kept riding, which nobody could fault him for doing, he would have been the 1934 Tour De France champion. Domestiques don't have to turn around to help the team leader - and there were six others behind him who could have helped. Instead Vietto did what was best for his team, forgetting himself completely, and gave up his bike in order to help his team captain. Magne held on to his lead and won the 1934 tour.

Despite these misfortunes, Vietto still won the King of the Mountains in 1934, and came in third overall. He rode in later Tours, but 1934 was his year, and he never wore the Yellow Jersey on the Tour's final day. During what should have been his prime cycling years, the Tour was cancelled due to World War II (another reason that Hitler was a dick). Vietto's only real crack at the title came in 1934.

In cycling, you're the king when you display the courage and honor to be a king. This sure isn't the fucking NBA. Vietto's grave is on the side of the road on the Col de Braus, near Cannes. His tombstone says "Maillot Jaune de Tour de France." Yellow Jersey of the Tour de France. And...he is considered a beloved national hero in France, and is still referred to as "King Rene."

Now before you get all weepy, which that story could make you get....Vietto's final Tour was in 1947, and in that one he was a total asshole. Vietto actually punched other riders in the face as they tried to break away from the pack. So, while he's one of my heroes, lets remember that even the Buddha was an asshole sometimes.