OH FUCK, I ATE WHAT????

DIPSHIT, FL -- I walk into my boss' office today, and wow, the room smelled really good. While talking, I notice that he has re-stocked the candy bowl. I reach in and pop in what looks like a nice red piece of hard candy. Talk about gross, the thing tasted like salt and ass. He then yells, "NO, DON'T EAT THAT!!!"

I spit it on the floor, and then realize... hmm, this must have fallen into somebody's salty asshole -- or its not candy.

Fucking ROOM DEODORIZER that not only LOOKS like candy, but is in THE MOTHERFUCKING CANDY BOWL.

Jesus christ... I've brushed my teeth three times, and I still can't get the taste of salty asshole out of my mouth.

This is worse than that chewing gum that I got out of the vending machine in the bathroom at the gas station. (just kidding, fuckhead).

UNRELATED ADDENDUM REGARDING MY SEX LIFE

On a totally unrelated subject, the schoolgirl is fired. For chrissakes... the first time we ever fucked, she says that all she wants out of me is sex... which works great for me since I'm not much for getting into a relationship after my last one. (See The Tao of Broads). For weeks, schoolgirl and I fucked, had a great time, and then last night she drops the "the deal has changed" talk on me.

I had to instruct her that deals need to be renegotiated -- they don't just "change."

Shame... she's a great broad, big tits, bright girl, LOVES her father, doesn't smoke, and has the best attitude ever. (She does have a dog... but it's not a deal killer). I'll definitely pawn her off on a worthy friend.