No, you stupid cunt, you can't bring your dog
TAMPA, FL - Why the FUCK does it seem that every goddamn single woman in Florida: A) has a dog, B) has no fucking idea how to take care of it or train it, and C) thinks her fucking dog should be the problem of any guy she dates.
Case in point... this little hottie that I met at a conference in Tampa (shacked up with her for one night about a month ago) gives me a call, asks what I'm up to, and I invite her down to hang by the pool with some friends. Now, she gives pretty damn good head... so, I figure why not? And now you ask... "so what's the problem?"
"Can I bring my dog?" THAT'S THE MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEM.
I swear, from this day forward, no matter who the girl is or what the reason is, the answer is no. Not if she's coming with her bisexual girlfriend and a midget. Not if she's going to fuck the dog, film it, and give me all the profits. I don't give a shit if I'm fucking a blind chick and she wants to bring her seeing-eye dog. No, I'm not fucking dating a girl with a dog, and she is sure as fuck not bringing it to my house.
So this stupid twat shows up at my place, and within 5 minutes, the fucking dog has shat on my carpet. My brand fucking new carpet. I've lived in this house for 8 months without furniture or carpet or anything, last goddamn week I broke down and finally furnished the place, and I get one week of carpet-dom before this FUCKING STUPID TWAT'S DOG SHAT ON IT.
Problem two -- it is barking ALL FUCKING DAY. Jumps up on everything, barking like a nut... and this cunt does nothing but giggle and say "oh, she's just excited." It was quite satisfying to see my cat scratch the thing's face though. I only wish that the Cat had actually blinded the stupid dog.
Finally, I can't take it anymore. I tell her "enough is enough, the dog goes in the garage."
Yeah... great. The motherfucking thing tore a hole in my wall. CHEWED OFF THE MOLDING AROUND THE FUCKING DOOR! Her reaction "awww, she was lonely." Dumb cunt. I should have fucking kicked the shit out of the dog, then beat the dumb twat with the unconscious dog's body. I'm getting some antifreeze now.
So what gives? Why the fuck does every single chick in Florida have a dog? I would actually rather date a chick with a kid than a chick with a dog. A chick with a dog is on par with a chick with a mongoloid child. At least a 4 year old won't shit on the carpet (well, probably not) and won't try and bore a hole through the wall, and if you smack a 4 year old for doing something, chances are he won't fucking do it again.
So no... you can't bring your fucking dog -- unless you want me to stab it in the neck with a pair of scissors.
Here are some links for people who hate dogs... like me. Fucking smelly co-dependent feces eating pieces of shit!
Dog Haters
Joel Stein's Editorial about hating Dogs
Dog Hating Page
Some shitty rant about dogs
Barking Fucking Dogs
How Pet Owners are Destroying America
The More Dogs I Meet, the More Dogs I Hate (Salon.com)
Case in point... this little hottie that I met at a conference in Tampa (shacked up with her for one night about a month ago) gives me a call, asks what I'm up to, and I invite her down to hang by the pool with some friends. Now, she gives pretty damn good head... so, I figure why not? And now you ask... "so what's the problem?"
"Can I bring my dog?" THAT'S THE MOTHERFUCKING PROBLEM.
I swear, from this day forward, no matter who the girl is or what the reason is, the answer is no. Not if she's coming with her bisexual girlfriend and a midget. Not if she's going to fuck the dog, film it, and give me all the profits. I don't give a shit if I'm fucking a blind chick and she wants to bring her seeing-eye dog. No, I'm not fucking dating a girl with a dog, and she is sure as fuck not bringing it to my house.
So this stupid twat shows up at my place, and within 5 minutes, the fucking dog has shat on my carpet. My brand fucking new carpet. I've lived in this house for 8 months without furniture or carpet or anything, last goddamn week I broke down and finally furnished the place, and I get one week of carpet-dom before this FUCKING STUPID TWAT'S DOG SHAT ON IT.
Problem two -- it is barking ALL FUCKING DAY. Jumps up on everything, barking like a nut... and this cunt does nothing but giggle and say "oh, she's just excited." It was quite satisfying to see my cat scratch the thing's face though. I only wish that the Cat had actually blinded the stupid dog.
Finally, I can't take it anymore. I tell her "enough is enough, the dog goes in the garage."
Yeah... great. The motherfucking thing tore a hole in my wall. CHEWED OFF THE MOLDING AROUND THE FUCKING DOOR! Her reaction "awww, she was lonely." Dumb cunt. I should have fucking kicked the shit out of the dog, then beat the dumb twat with the unconscious dog's body. I'm getting some antifreeze now.
So what gives? Why the fuck does every single chick in Florida have a dog? I would actually rather date a chick with a kid than a chick with a dog. A chick with a dog is on par with a chick with a mongoloid child. At least a 4 year old won't shit on the carpet (well, probably not) and won't try and bore a hole through the wall, and if you smack a 4 year old for doing something, chances are he won't fucking do it again.
So no... you can't bring your fucking dog -- unless you want me to stab it in the neck with a pair of scissors.
Here are some links for people who hate dogs... like me. Fucking smelly co-dependent feces eating pieces of shit!
Dog Haters
Joel Stein's Editorial about hating Dogs
Dog Hating Page
Some shitty rant about dogs
Barking Fucking Dogs
How Pet Owners are Destroying America
The More Dogs I Meet, the More Dogs I Hate (Salon.com)
posted by Enrico Giamondi at 8:35 PM
2 Comments:
Plus when the woman has a four year old child you know for sure she "puts out."
went through it tonight with the girlfriends stupid fucking dog... no really... its a stupid fucking dog. call me a control freak, but i dont want the fucking dog sleeping on my pillows on my bed. oh...she so cute... good thing hottie is asleep... dogfuck is out back where she belongs. attatched to an electric cattle prod type device that if the dog decides to dis-obey the "stay" command, will act on my behalf to rectify the behavioral issues. (essentially, ya just gotta get one of these, do what I say or get electricuted toys to stay sane.
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