Piss Drunk Revenge
GAINESVILLE, FL - I have been known to be a drunk. Fuck that. I say that I have engaged in heroic campaigns of drunken glory, and I'll challenge any swine to a duel who has a contrary opinion.
Drunkenness is an energy and a source of creativity for the settling of scores.
I recall, or rather I do not recall, the evening in 2001 or so when I drank myself quite painfully wasted, at the "rotator." This was a bar, in the back of a liquor store, in Gainesville, Florida, and yes, it had a rotating bar... and almost no air conditioning... and a very liberal policy toward admitting underage girls.
So yes, long story short, I walked in, I drank, I rotated, I sweated, and the next morning (a Saturday), I woke up to WAAAA NIII NIII NIIII YINNNNGGGGGG..... The horrid sound of a revving two-stroke engine. I threw the covers off my naked sweat wracked body, climbed over my underage student who had somehow wound up coming home with me (I later discovered that she was there because she drove me home), and stark raving naked, I ran out my front door to see the stupid fuck who lived next door to me REVVING HIS NEW FUCKING DIRT BIKE AT 8:30 AM ON A FUCKING SATURDAY.
DUDE! PEOPLE! FUCKING! LIVE! HERE!
This dickwad was in the military or something. Every time he got a paycheck, he bought himself another stupid disposable item. Projection TV, jet ski, dirt bike, but fucked if he had a dime in the bank, or if he could even afford the payments on the shit. This idiot made $18,000 a year (which was $10,000 more a year than my part time teaching salary - but I did it to fuck young girls, so who needs money), and had about $10,000 worth of stereo equipment in his car.
Anyhow, lets suffice to say that a) he made my head really hurt, and b) he assured that I would not be boning all afternoon.
So, a few months later, I was walking home. Yes, piss drunk again. I say "piss drunk" because for some reason during that period of time, I liked peeing on everything. Like his new car.
He had just bought this BMW, and restored it from the ground up. Really did a wonderful job on it. It was parked in front of my apartment.
So I took out my keys and scratched "CUNT WAD" into the hood of the car.
I figure that set us about even.
Drunkenness is an energy and a source of creativity for the settling of scores.
I recall, or rather I do not recall, the evening in 2001 or so when I drank myself quite painfully wasted, at the "rotator." This was a bar, in the back of a liquor store, in Gainesville, Florida, and yes, it had a rotating bar... and almost no air conditioning... and a very liberal policy toward admitting underage girls.
So yes, long story short, I walked in, I drank, I rotated, I sweated, and the next morning (a Saturday), I woke up to WAAAA NIII NIII NIIII YINNNNGGGGGG..... The horrid sound of a revving two-stroke engine. I threw the covers off my naked sweat wracked body, climbed over my underage student who had somehow wound up coming home with me (I later discovered that she was there because she drove me home), and stark raving naked, I ran out my front door to see the stupid fuck who lived next door to me REVVING HIS NEW FUCKING DIRT BIKE AT 8:30 AM ON A FUCKING SATURDAY.
DUDE! PEOPLE! FUCKING! LIVE! HERE!
This dickwad was in the military or something. Every time he got a paycheck, he bought himself another stupid disposable item. Projection TV, jet ski, dirt bike, but fucked if he had a dime in the bank, or if he could even afford the payments on the shit. This idiot made $18,000 a year (which was $10,000 more a year than my part time teaching salary - but I did it to fuck young girls, so who needs money), and had about $10,000 worth of stereo equipment in his car.
Anyhow, lets suffice to say that a) he made my head really hurt, and b) he assured that I would not be boning all afternoon.
So, a few months later, I was walking home. Yes, piss drunk again. I say "piss drunk" because for some reason during that period of time, I liked peeing on everything. Like his new car.
He had just bought this BMW, and restored it from the ground up. Really did a wonderful job on it. It was parked in front of my apartment.
So I took out my keys and scratched "CUNT WAD" into the hood of the car.
I figure that set us about even.
posted by Enrico Giamondi at 9:37 PM
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