Sunday, January 23, 2005

ALL THE AFC ARE BELONG TO US

In A.D. 2005
Game was beginning.....

COWHER: What happen ?
ROTHLISBERGER: Somebody set up us the unstopping defense.

COWHER: We get ball.
ROTHLISBERGER: What !

ROTHLISBERGER: Enter in stadium, look.
COWHER: It's You !!

BELICHICK: How are you gentlemen !!
BELICHICK: All your Steelers are belong to us.
BELICHICK: You are on the way to destruction.

COWHER: What you say !!

BELICHICK: You have no chance to survive make your vacation plan.
BELICHICK: HA HA HA HA ....

COWHER: We are they bitches!!
COWHER: They are make dynasty.
COWHER: We bow down.
BELICHICK: Again is great justice - All the AFC are Belong to us!

Saturday, January 22, 2005

The Terrible Towel is so queer

ALIQUIPPA, PA - So here I am in Western PA -- yeah -- Red State Pennsylvania. These Steelers fans are convinced, yet again, that the Patriots are just a footnote to their next superbowl. We'll see about that... But what is more important is to analyze the "terrible towel" syndrome.

Please help me understand. These double-chinned dipshits root for a team and their big thing is the "terrible towel?"

It sounds like something from a drug-induced paranoid hallucination. "AAAHHHH the TERRIBLE TOWEL IS COMING AFTER ME." Thats fucking stupid.

Hey, everyone, get your TOWEL!!!! How about your Terrible Potholder?

Terrible Washcloth. Terrible Diaper. Terrible Loofah! Get my point? Fucking lame. The only thing better about terrible towel v. terrible loofah is that the loofah lacks the slight alliteration of terrible towel. How fucking gay. I want to wipe my ass with a terrible towel.

Not only all that, but don't they get sick of opposing players waving THEIR towels in the air when they kick your ass? I loved watching that in 2001, and I'm gonna love it on Sunday when the Steelers get their asses stomped.

So... I actually DO like the Steelers franchise. I actually DO like Big Ben, and Bettis, and hell, there isnt a real punk ass douchebag on the whole Steelers team that I can think of right now. But come on, cut the fucktard towel thing. Its just lame and gay.

Monday, January 17, 2005

Fuck the Indianapolis Colts

FOXBORO, MA - You know how Peyton Manning can tell that Eli Manning has to take a shit? His dad's dick tastes funny!!!!!!!!!!

What a glorious day. I was so fucking sick of hearing Manning this and Manning that all season. The Colts are unstoppable. Ha. Fuck you. The Colts are a bullshit team that thinks it can rack up huge numbers, and somehow those numbers equal a superbowl. Well, Bitter-Beer-Face Dungy can never get the deal closed, and his fucking hick QB could pull a dick out of his mouth for a moment and look in the mirror and probably would then be able to tell that he should commit suicide.

The whole Manning family sucks ass. You want to know why the Colts suck? Peyton (what a fag name) Manning. That is why.

Mannings play for numero Uno! And nobody else. Rack up numbers, but watch him throw a crappy pass and yell at his WR. Watch him get sacked, and need two plays just to shake it. Brady -- no such thing ever happens.

Sure, Peyton can rack up huge numbers -- INDOORS! If his home field was Lambeau, he'd be no more impressive than Bledsoe. For that matter, put Bledsoe inside, and watch him rack up numbers to shit over.

Indy is a pussy-red-state town, full of hicks and losers. And their football team (and football fans) reflects that.

Well, go ahead and root for your quarterback. I'm rooting for my TEAM!

The PATS!!!!!

And while we're on the Mannings... pussy Eli will NEVER be on a winning team. Doesn't deserve it. Who the fuck did he think he was refusing to play for San Diego? Well, he still would have been the backup QB, but at least he'd have made the playoffs!

Fuck the mannings. Fuck Indy. Where's my motherfucking trophy?

Monday, January 10, 2005

NFL - Did I get fucked or what?

DILDO, NL - Wild card weekend, and every fucking thing that could go wrong, well, it went wrong.

Green Bay v. Minnesota - this was the only game that came out half right. Randy Moss is a cunt... not because of his "mooning" episode. In fact, I have to give him props for that. But, generally a big cunt. Daunte Culpepper, on the other hand, has enough class that it kind of makes up for Randy's bullshit. So... although you gotta love the Packers as the only "fan-owned" team in the league, I can live with Daunte Culpepper getting to move forward.

Oh, and Brett Farve is from Mississippi. So fuck him.

On second thought, I'm glad the Packers lost.

St. Louis v. Seattle - Lets get this straight... and 8-8 team advanced in the playoffs? The NFC should be shut down as it is the most disgusting show of mediocrity ever seen in the NFL. Philadelphia isn't even worth considering to be a real team, as they are what, top of the NFC? Fuck them. With a half-decent team and all those games against NFC foes, of course you finish with a great record.

Oh, wait, this is about STL v. SEA. Mike Martz is a fag. Saint Louis fans are pussies. And any team that plays indoors can suck my dick. I'm so pissed that Seattle lost this game, and really, it makes me want to take a shit on something. I had a roommate once (Rams fan) who bitched that it wasn't fair that the Rams had to go play in outdoor venues every time the playoffs came around. He was from Mississippi, so he was a per-se fucktard. One time, I came out of my room to go to the bathroom and his fat ass was sitting in the living room jacking off to porn. I jack off to porn too, but not in the motherfucking living room! Well, at least not when someone is home. Stupid motherfucker. Well, this dumb bumblefuck, calls outdoor football "weird Yankee football." Jesus I would love to put his name here, if I could remember it... Sammy. I can't remember his last name, but I called him "fat fuck Sammy." He was from Mississippi, called outdoor football "weird Yankee football," and he couldnt get laid in a Russian whorehouse with a fist full of diamonds and a bowl of Viagra.

So, for reasons I never quite got to, I'm fucking pissed that Seattle blew this one.

Jets at San Diego - Will someone please fucking send Chad Pennington to his glory hole? What a fucking fag name he has. Jets fans suck. Nice chant you got there, spelling "J E T S." Fuck you. Fuck New York. I wanna stab them in the adams' apple with a fucking broken off car antenna. I used to be able to tolerate the Giants, until they added a Manning (fucking faggotest cunt family in football) to the roster - and Kurt Warner the pussy... I hate him too. I bumped into him at Superbowl XXXVIII. I told him to hide, because the Pats Defense was in town.

Fucking San Diego -- how did they fuck this one up? Dammit, can Doug Flutie catch a break? One guy I like, and he gets fucked again.

Indy at Denver - well, we expected this... but I just fucking hate the whole Manning family. Peyton... is that a fucking girly redneck name or what? Him and his brother fuck each other in the ass. I'll shit on the mannings later...

Saturday, January 08, 2005

Fuck your prayers

KINNAKEET, NC - How many of those annoying emails do you get every day? You know, the ones where random people in your life, usually relatives or co-workiers, decide that they not only want to send you their superstitious bullshit in the form of internet prayers, but then they expect you to send it on to seven hundred other people. In exchange, some fucking "miracle" is supposed to happen.

I have news for you... we've been waiting 2000 years for that gutter fucking stupid cunt-stink of a set of beliefs that you call Christianity to bring about a single bit of good.

So, for the what, 7 people who read this blog... if I'm lucky... the next time you get some of that gay shit, cut and paste the quotes below. Who knows, you might save some asshole from christianity.

"During almost fifteen centuries has the legal establishment of Christianity been on trial. What has been its fruits? More or less, in all places, pride and indolence in the clergy; ignorance and servility in the laity; in both, superstition, bigotry and persecution."
--James Madison

"The way to see by faith is to shut the eye of reason."
--Benjamin Franklin, Poor Richard, 1758

"Religion I found to be without any tendency to inspire, promote, or confirm morality, serves principally to divide us and make us unfriendly to one another."
--Benjamin Franklin

"Christianity is the most perverted system that ever shone on a man."
--Thomas Jefferson

"The divinity of Jesus is made a convenient cover for absurdity. Nowhere in the Gospels do we find a precept for Creeds, Confessions, Oaths, Doctrines, and whole carloads of other foolish trumpery that we find in Christianity."
--John Adams

Friday, January 07, 2005

Fuck Mississippi

PHILADELPHIA, Miss., Jan. 7 – Edgar Ray Killen, a Ku Klux Klan douchebag pleaded not guilty Friday to charges of murdering three civil rights workers more than 40 years ago in the most backward-assed filthy asshole of a place the world has ever known – Mississippi.

Back in 1964, Andrew Goodman, 20 and Michael Schwerner, 24, drove down to the mongoloid state to do what the retards who lived there should have been doing long before – working to (gasp) give black people the same right to vote as everyone else. Of course, the peckerwood cunts that make up that state wouldn’t have any of it. One night, as Goodman and Schwerner traveled with a friend, James Chaney, 21, of Mississippi, who was (god forbid) a Negro, Killen and his buddies pulled their stubby peckers out of the anuses of local youths long enough to chase down and kill the three civil rights workers.

Would you enjoy a foray into the character of at least one of these boys that Mississippi killed?

Before leaving for Mississippi, Andrew Goodman explained his decision to his mother. He said, 'Mom, these people are our people. I want to make our Constitution real to them,' " his mother recalled, her voice quavering slightly with the conflicting emotions of the day. "He said, 'I have to go there.' It was hard for us to say, but we said, 'Yes.' "

Well I sure am glad that the good people of Mississippi put an end to that evil.

Can we please sterilize the whole fucking state now? Please?

The murders were the subject of the 1988 film, Mississippi Burning. The only part of that movie that I remember is William DaFoe asking, “what is wrong with these people?” I’ll tell you what the fuck is wrong with them – they are redneck fuckwads, and the United States was fucking stupid as hell to fight to keep them in the Union. We should have surrendered at Fort Sumter and let these douchebags languish in their own ass-rape blood while the rest of America went forth into the future. Think of what America could have achieved since 1865 if it didn’t have to drag its retarded cousins, Mississippi, Alabama, Georgia, and South Carolina everywhere with it (I could go on, but those places are the core of the cancer).

Anyhow… crime committed in 1964. Movie made about it in 1988. In 1999, the Jackson Clarion-Ledger published an interview with Sam Bowers, a former Ku Klux Klan grand wizard who said he was glad to see the ringleader of the crime go free. (source, Washington Post).

And prompt as all fuck, Mississippi was obviously enraged because public pressure forced them to charge this guy in 2005. Fuck every single motherfucker who ever drank a drop of water in that state. You motherfuckers came out in droves to make sure that gays couldn’t get married in that state, but these three boys, three fucking damn good people, with the noblest of intentions and hearts are murdered and justice sits in the back of your pappy’s pick-up-truck for 40 years? Fuck you, Mississippi. Fuck Trent Lott, fuck William Faulkner, Fuck John Grisham, Fuck Oprah Winfrey, Fuck Britney Spears, and fuck every single douchebag who ever breathed the air of Mississippi without wanting to puke. Fuck you in your filthy ass – hopefully the same way that Edgar Ray Killen will be ass-fucked for the rest of his natural existence – that is if there is any justice in this world.

Just in case you want to tell him what you think of him, here’s Edgar Ray Killen’s home address and phone number.

Killen, Edgar Ray
1056 Rd 515
PHILADELPHIA, MS 39350
601-656-8417